Telling Neighbors I Didnt Want to Watch Their Cat Again
"I'm a full-time university student. Although I don't pay nearly twice equally much every bit you might in the United kingdom or US (tuition is about 1.000€ a year), I decided to take a job at a local supermarket. This is by and large then that I can pay for some trips I like to take effectually Europe, some wearing apparel, part of my driver's license, etc. I similar having my ain funds and not having to depend on my parents.
The point is, I don't need this to survive.
I've been working at that place for 3 years at present. IDK how supermarkets piece of work effectually the world, but we have butchers and fishmongers working in the shop, preparing meat or fish for the clients. For 2 years, everything was going fine. However, nosotros recently got a new squad of fishmongers, and they are absolute buffoons.
The store closes at 21:00 PM.
I ever piece of work until closing time. Now, these fishmongers accept taken up the addiction of waiting until xx:58, allow's say, to rush to my register, dump a few items at that place, then get back into the store to get some more stuff they want to buy.
Usually, I really don't mind keeping my register open for a colleague – I become along well with anybody, they try to be as quick as possible, and it'southward oftentimes one or 2 things they forgot and desperately need, so it takes little of my fourth dimension.
The fishmongers, however, are some other story. They unremarkably show up to my register with iii+ bags full of stuff, and so they are super picky with the payment. It goes along the lines of 'let me utilize these coupons', 'no that detail is not at the right price, remove it', etc. One fourth dimension, I finished ringing them up at 21:35, and I still had some stuff to practise like closing the register, cleaning up, etc.
I was the last one left in the shop and still had to become inverse since I bike home.
I permit their behavior slide a lot of times considering I hate causing drama and like to think of myself as a nice person.
Yesterday I decided plenty was enough. It was 21:00, I was tired, and 2 of them showed up. I says he's 'really pitiful' but he has the stuff to purchase.
I snapped, saying he wasn't sorry at all, and I told both of them that this would be the last fourth dimension I would accept them later on closing time. Did they care? no.
They paid, left, etc. fifteen mins later, I was out. It was around 21:30. They waited for me, saying that I 'wasn't overnice', that they really needed to buy their stuff since Lord's day the store is closed (it was a Saturday dark), and that I couldn't chronicle to their struggles, because I wasn't a full-fourth dimension employee, just some student that knows zippo of the existent earth.
Plus, they accused me of not needing the dough anyways, so better off for me to quit since I hate to work.
At this indicate, they asked for my name, and said they would accuse me to my boss of 'being rude and refusing customers'. I was a fleck passive-aggressive, I admit, but I was always respectful.
I feel like I am in the right. Why practice they go to buy their stuff and go home when I'yard still stuck in the store after 21 PM?
AITJ? Should I be more than considerate of them?"
Another User Comments:
"Talk to your manager about what is the expected behavior.
IF y'all are expected to keep the store open for co-workers then it should be reflected in your clock-in/clock-out records and you should be paid for it.
Besides, it sounds like you are closing up? Or is there a supervisor there? It is really dangerous to accept ane person locking up on their ain. If something happened (e.thousand. a slip and fall) there would be no one before morning.
If there is a supervisor in that location – why are they letting these guys keep you all there tardily?
I understand that it is convenient for your coworkers to shop at the store on their manner home, but I suspect you lot're not being paid overtime to keep the till open for them. Most other working people have to observe a time when the stores are open to doing their shopping, even people who piece of work total time." Fraerie
Some other User Comments:
"The insane thing to me, and I haven't seen this mentioned notwithstanding, is that they asked for your name! Presumably, colleagues should know each other past proper name if they interact with them then ofttimes.
If it'southward a big shop and you never had reason to speak with them then that would be one affair but if yous're specifically doing them a semi-regular favor and then at that place should be some camaraderie and you lot should definitely exist on a commencement-name basis.
I also work retail and information technology'southward besides common for u.s.a. to keep the tills open for 10 minutes if a colleague needs something.
But they stay backside and help me shut so that nosotros all finish together. And they take everything sorted so that it's an like shooting fish in a barrel transaction – no haggling over vouchers or spending five minutes to count their alter." LionisDandy
Some other User Comments:
"NTJ.
I recall y'all mostly got into problem by being overly accommodating, then snapping. In the future, try to draw those boundaries earlier. People don't know they're seriously inconveniencing yous if you lot don't tell them.
Nevertheless, you obviously had skilful intentions and they evidently are non entitled to have up your time afterwards closing. Their actions at the cease of the night were seriously out of line.
Your reasons for working and fiscal situation don't factor in at all. You have a right to seek employment for any reasons you desire. They don't have a correct to take advantage of you because they perceive you as having it improve." Reign_Drop
Some other User Comments:
"NTJ.
I worked at a supermarket for 12 years (high school and college) and it was customary that if employees wanted to buy things afterwards closing time, they would go all their stuff a little before closing fourth dimension and comprehend for each other to do so. Then, after closing time, the items were rung up really fast and that was that. No coupons, no drama, not putting stuff back.
That being said, we had a policy that everyone that worked until closing time left the store at the same time. So taking your sweetness time meant annoying 15 coworkers.
I'one thousand lamentable they're doing this." FancyAirport
Another User Comments:
"NTJ. If y'all're non getting paid past that time, you don't need to work for your coworkers.
I used to piece of work at butchers who were crawly. We'd close the doors for customers, so everyone in the shop would shop (admittedly virtually of u.s. collected our stuff and packed it during our shifts and then nosotros could but hop to the counter.) And then everyone would close the tills and we'd do closing duties.
I guess paying for stuff before locking out was one of the incentives of closing shifts. Twenty-four hours shifts clocked out then paid for their stuff.
Are they waiting until they've finished closing to get shopping? Because that's rude. Maybe talk to a managing director. They shop, they close, they get out. Endmost goes later but they become paid to shop." ameinias
Another User Comments:
"NTJ, I certainly promise you are getting paid for your time, just it is irrelevant. What you are scheduled for is another story. If your work schedules you to exist at that place that late taking into consideration stragglers and endmost duties, and yous but want out early, then YTJ. But there is nothing wrong with wanting to exist able to have a gear up time to leave past. Y'all take your own life." sylvanasisBDE
half-dozen. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbors For Having Their Kids/Dogs In My Yard?
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"We had new neighbors move into our duplex about a yr agone. We've had bug with them since day 1, mostly because they went to loftier school with u.s. (so we know their personalities) and are addicted to illegal substances. In an attempt to summarize: these people (22M and 21F) asked us to infringe our electricity considering they didn't accept funds for a eolith the starting time day of moving in, and so two days after, put human feces in a purse with a note on my front porch, saying that my dogs are dumping in their thou and their kids play at that place.
I filed a police written report because I could just imagine what would happen if I didn't put my foot down. My partner said I overreacted. They apologized and realized it was actually the neighbor's dogs across the street (which literally everyone knew).
My partner (22M) and I (24F) take been having two major issues with them. The first: their kids. They rarely have custody of their children (I'm not certain what's going on), only when I open up my front end door, there's a 50/l chance that their 2-year-former (but at present 3y/o) son is standing in his diaper only, pressed confronting the drinking glass.
It doesn't matter the weather. He doesn't exercise anything. Just stares. But it's at least 10-fifteen minutes before either parent notices. They're non fifty-fifty outside with him when it happens. Their other child is under a year old, and I've seen him once on the sidewalk leading up to my porch (nosotros accept separate porches). Other than that, there's no show they really take children. No toys, nothing.
But when their child is up against the door, my dogs lose their mind, and they blame me that my dogs aren't well-behaved. I actually am concerned because we don't have the all-time neighborhood, and this kid is totally unsupervised.
My 2nd problem: Our landlord told them they could not have a dog because our two dogs = their ii children. They were furious at this, claiming that it isn't equivalent or off-white that they tin't have a dog.
Despite her telling them this, they got ii dogs. Both run freely effectually the neighborhood and dump/pee wherever they like, including my front yard. I had my final straw whenever I had to work the other morning, and their dog was at our backstairs, crying and scratching to come up in because there was an ice storm. The crying was from 1:00 a.m. to iv:45 a.1000.
Any time I accost the consequence or try to, they laugh information technology off or plough the blame around on me.
I'm past the point of fed-up. I want to call DCFS and Brute Command, but my partner thinks I'm overreacting and holding grudges considering of when they starting time moved in. WIBTJ and moving 'too harsh, as well fast' (as my partner says) if I called DCFS/Animal Control?
UPDATE: DCFS is already involved with the family unit. I can't call Animal Command until Monday because of their phone hours, but I can hear them chirapsia their dogs from inside my business firm.
They're crying/whining.
UPDATE 2: Police force contact nigh animals. The landlord has also been contacted."
Another User Comments:
"NTJ. As someone who is a mandated reporter, call them. Information technology's upwardly to DCFS (and arguably animal control) to determine if what y'all report warrants further investigation past them. If they decide non to take the example and then it's not on your conscience as you did your part. I'm not sure if it'southward a US-based statistic or my state, but nosotros have yearly reporter training and they say a kid volition report corruption/neglect to 7 adults before anyone reports it.
Obviously, these kids are too young themselves and I saw you said that dcfs is already involved, but I'd personally want to make sure that they were aware of the extent of dangers the kids are in when standing exterior unsupervised and unclothed (especially since you lot alive somewhere there are ice storms, I'd hope not outside then but nonetheless if it'south non warm summer I'd be worried)" future_nurse19
Some other User Comments:
"NTJ If it'due south not you information technology'due south just going to be another neighbor.
These aren't the kind of people who alive with ease, there volition ever be someone reporting them because they volition never bother to take care of themselves or their homes. If they're addicts my approximate is they wanted a baby-sit dog. God bless because I don't recollect annihilation is worse than having crackheads for neighbors." User
Another User Comments:
"NTJ unless you don't phone call. Then you are the wiggle.
The kids and the dogs demand someone with authorization to step in and make certain that they are okay because the parents are showing signs of being neglectful. Since they are blowing off your concerns, you need to go to someone who can force them to heed." KatFrog
Another User Comments:
"NTJ. The domestic dog stuff is 1 affair and subjects to a fleck more nuance depending on your local laws, but I would absolutely phone call DCFS about a regularly unattended toddler.
I take a three-year-old and I cannot imagine leaving her unsupervised outside for many minutes… In our fenced lawn long plenty to grab a glass of water while watching her through the window, ok. And in one case could be a 'holy cow, I gauge they can work doorknobs now!', but regularly finding an unattended 3-year-old outside is a massive red flag for a neglectful situation." InannasPocket
five. AITJ For Non Apologizing When They Charged My Card Twice?
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"My husband and I went to purchase a bed and frame for my FIL. It cost 470 bucks and some change. Everything went well until today and the account was overdrawn by 211 dollars. DH transferred into the account to take nigh 30 bucks in it. I had just sent a payment through for 180 dollars 3 days ago and it hasn't been processed yet. And then now the account will be overdrafted again.
When we checked the business whom we purchased the bed from charged the account twice.
And then I called them and explained to the lady what had happened. Without hesitation, she is immediately defensive saying that she did the deposit this forenoon and everything totaled out fine and I need to come down and testify to her the charges. So I'thou a little ticked she kept talking over me, never offered an apology or anything along the lines of 'oh no I don't know what happened the eolith I did was fine but let me check over again' Nothing.
Just immediately defensive and I felt like she was calling me a liar without proverb the words. I asked what time they closed and told her that I WILL exist coming down there to testify her my banking app. She then proceeds to say that she's not going to debate with me nearly it. Nosotros hang up. I tell hubbs to phone call the bank and see what they say.
After I get off the phone with the lady, the hubbs say that I need to be nice. After he gets off the phone with the bank he says that I demand to call back and apologize to the lady because she was cipher simply nice and I was just a jerk. I don't think I was a jerk. I was firm after she got actually defensive but I don't feel I was rude about the whole thing and I told him that I'chiliad not calling dorsum and apologizing.
The bank credited the account for the corporeality that was taken out the second time so we got our back just after this whole thing, he won't talk to me. So dear people of Reddit if yous've gotten this far AITJ?"
Another User Comments:
"NTJ – You're not upset about something little. It's $400 that has the potential to cascade into a much bigger headache if not fixed speedily.
I've worked retail for pretty much ever and I like information technology, but I've definitely screwed up earlier. Mistakes happen. Tech stuff glitches. Sometimes customers are wrong. Merely yous don't know until you look into it more and you practise have to at least try. And if y'all're taking people'south there's an expectation that yous'll do so advisedly and be responsive to any issues. Information technology would've been so easy for her to sympathize with your frustration and tell you that she'd double bank check all her numbers to encounter where or if something went wrong." personofpaper
Another User Comments:
"Was this on a debit menu? If so, peradventure in that location was an attempted charge that got declined and then a second 1 that went through.
Declined charges can create a pending concord on funds from your bank. The merchant doesn't encounter this and basically, the banking company is holding funds until they feel certain the merchant isn't going to accept them.
I deal with this all the time at my twenty-four hour period job. A customer tin say they see 2 or 3 charges and I but see one. And when they talk to their bank, the bank confirms that only i was accepted and the residue they are holding. I get yelled at constantly by customers about this. I'm used to it by at present, but I as well wish banks would explain pending holds and how they can be automatically created past declined charges on their end and the merchant did nothing incorrect." User
iv. AITJ For Telling Stepson He'd Take To Pay Us Back For Dental Piece of work?
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"I (36F) have been with married man (46M) since my stepson, Jon (11M) was iii yrs old & I have helped raise him. I've always fabricated information technology perfectly clear that his mom is his mom (to respect her role) simply I'grand always here for him & love him. Jon comes to me often when he doesn't feel well, has bug at school, has questions about girls, and definitely for all his homework questions/help with school.
Hubby is not much of a disciplinarian. If Jon does something blatant, he will step in, but tends to blow off a lot. Ex: he does not notice when Jon makes extra work for grandma (76F) like leaving wet towels on the floor or leaving half-eaten processed on the couch that stains. At these times, I'm unremarkably the one to footstep in & remind Jon that he has to be more considerate of older grandma, & clean upward later on him or brand him practise it.
At home, I take rules like if you desire to play with dogs in the yard & create obstacles courses for them, have fun, but everything needs to exist put back away when washed. Married man does not care 1 manner or another if a mess is left backside, but I'm the one that has to make clean information technology up. Simply husband is supportive of the rules. I don't just 'tell' Jon to exercise something.
I explain why information technology is necessary & how information technology could help/hurt him or do good others. We take a pretty skillful relationship and in that location is a lot of love betwixt us.
Possible AITJ: I have noticed Jon has recently started chewing ice. I mentioned that water ice is really harmful to teeth twice. Yesterday, I noticed him chewing & crunching his way through a big glass of ice. I asked, 'didn't you hear me when I mentioned that ice can really hurt your teeth?' He brushed me off (tween behavior(?)) saying he likes the gustation & and so walked off.
I allow it go because we were at a friend's house, but told hubby we need to look into this possibly being a medical result or if Jon has merely picked up a harmful/bad habit.
This morn, I printed an easy-to-read article geared to kids that explains the harm water ice causes. Told stepson that before Goggle box time today, he needs to read the article & then consummate a set of questions at the bottom.
He was put out only complied. After he was done, I asked him if he had a better understanding of the damage ice causes and explained that I do non want him chewing ice in our home, because I cannot let him to practise something I know might injure him. I cannot control him chewing ice elsewhere (like his mom's house), so information technology is up to him what he wants to do, but, if he intentionally damages his teeth, would information technology exist fair that we should have to pay for it? He kind of sulked (understandably).
I told him dental work gets really expensive and his dad & I work very difficult to brand sure he has everything he needs, but if he needs dental work because of the water ice, he volition accept to pay us dorsum $100 out of his birthday savings. AITJ?
For the record, I have no intention of actually using his savings $ for dental work. When we talked, I explained that the $100 amount that I put in this month, I would withdraw as 'payment'.
It was a manner to drive dwelling the indicate, only now I feel like a douchepellet about it. Wondering if it was a really jerk affair to exercise and if I've scarred my boy for life.
(I practice not have a relationship with my hubby'south ex. She has been covertly racist (I'k Asian), so I limit interaction. I will ask husband to follow upwardly with her about looking into other health reasons why a child might exist chewing water ice like iron deficiency, anxiety, etc.
I'm concerned)
Edit 1: No, mom does not pay for medical expenses. She qualifies for government assistance/health plans, but I added Jon to my insurance because I want him to have the best admission to healthcare and not be limited by the government plans. Mom besides blows off when Jon feels ill, has random accidents, pains, etc. Jon comes to me and I typically address (usually by comforting him), or insisting husband accept him to the md if I feel information technology is serious.
Edit ii: There have been a lot of comments most responsibleness, fiscal obligations, etc. Early in my matrimony, I freaked out that neither parent would take Jon to the Dr. about earaches. This upset me because I know untreated infections can lead to permanent hearing loss. Mom flipped out and said I was not the 'parent' and the husband supported my ex in that. He did terminate upwards taking Jon to the dr and the kid did indeed have an infection.
Despite the apology from hubby, I have backed off and left parenting responsibilities to the parents. However, I will absolutely abet for Jon's health and care and wellbeing, no matter how annoying it makes me seem.
Edit 3: This post is non about the $$ or taking from Jon! I am doing well financially and spend a lot of my $$ on Jon because I know his parents cannot afford certain things that they would have to split (yes, I make a lot more than his father and his mom does not piece of work).
I pay for science camps, his insurance (I wanted him on a ameliorate plan than the govt program he was originally on), his karate and riding lessons, etc. His parents also ignored me when I discussed starting a higher fund for him, so years ago I started ane myself that just I contribute into. If he wants to get go advanced degrees when he's older, he will have the $$ through that account as well as other investment accounts I have for him.
He is the sole casher of my will because this kid is very important to me. I have, in outcome, made sure my boy will be financially secure for the rest of his life.
Note: There seems to be confused nearly his 'birthday savings' and how he would 'pay for his medical bills'. He would never accept to pay for his medical bills!!
The business relationship was started when he was viii then I could teach him about $$.
I feel about adults were never given proper personal finance education, and am impressed with the manner some countries take added it into the school curriculum starting in middle school and sometimes younger. The business relationship has funds that I add to on a monthly ground, merely nosotros call it his 'birthday savings' because it started when my family gave him for his birthday. His father puts in a picayune amount now and and then, and we add to information technology during the twelvemonth.
He understands deposits and withdrawals. He does not empathise (even so) the actual value of items, but he knows that, for example, he will need $400 to purchase a bike he wants (cost supplemented by us). When he buys something using the account, he proudly takes his debit card, slides it through the machine, and signs for it. He checks the bill to make sure it says what it should say.
He has taken to finances like a duck to water and I'g extremely proud of him. When he is older, I will teach him near interest, fees, loans, etc. He will abound up having all the fiscal acumen I can give him.
This 'paying us back' for harm to his teeth was $100 from that business relationship. It bothers him because he is actively saving for something. Based on the comments, I have accepted that using as a upshot tin exist douchey and I am the jerk.
I accept my judgment. Even so, I want to clarify that no way was the child going to become slapped with a medical neb, or that I begrudge spending my or my time on him.
Edit 5: Yikes this is getting long. (FYI, I've been banned from farther comments due to getting feisty with folks I felt were beingness unnecessarily cruel, and missing the betoken entirely.) This post opened my eyes that out of business for losing out on his monthly $100, Jon might not tell me if he is in pain.
THIS HAS Absolutely HORRIFIED ME!!!! I desire to give thanks the people who brought this to my attention considering I definitely exercise not desire to ruin the open communication we currently have. I have since cleared that upwardly with him and afterward lots of hugs and kisses, he seems to exist okay. He told me he loves me and will terminate chewing water ice if it makes me deplorable (my sweetness boy!!!!)"
Another User Comments:
"YTJ, but just a little.
I just call up for an 11-year-old it sounds like 'if yous practise this (seemingly innocuous, but not ideal) thing we don't like, nosotros'll take away all your savings.' I think information technology's groovy that you're trying to help him to empathise the 'why' of your actions, simply ultimately kids aren't stupid and volition realize that chewing water ice is a adequately small infraction. So, if you say 'if yous do this relatively small thing, we'll punish y'all very desperately' — it feels very unfair.
Honestly, growing up my parents tried to control me a lot by making me feel guilty nigh (y'all did this and it toll us X much), and it made me feel powerless and resentful (since equally a kid I could simply earn then much through tutoring/role-time piece of work, etc.). I personally don't retrieve information technology's a great strategy based on my feel, but I'm not a childcare expert.
I just call back sometimes trying to help kids to understand what to do then trusting them to make the right decisions (knowing sometimes they volition non) is better than resorting to guilt/threats all the time. (Likewise, making kids feel like 'if y'all do 10, nosotros're not going to have care of yous financially' may make them experience less 'prophylactic' which can consequence in much worse behavioral issues than chipped teeth.)
As well, if the ice chewing is due to anxiety, he might not exist able to command it, and feeling guilty about it will only make it worse.
(Peradventure giving him an alternative thing to do would assist? Similar maybe some sort of sugarless gum?)
Either way, it sounds similar yous are very mindfully raising this kid, so I'chiliad sure you guys volition figure out a practiced way to practise things. Expert luck." jennnjennjen
Some other User Comments:
"Everyone sucks hither simply the kid. First, chewing water ice tin be a sign of anemia. Information technology's not wildly mutual but if someone picks up the addiction out of nowhere, information technology's worth checking in nigh.
I know this because my anemic mom chewed ice my whole childhood.
Second, the majority of your complaints – the fact that this child has few boundaries and structure, doesn't follow directions, don't make clean upward after himself – is a reflection of his parents. Your husband doesn't seem to care that salubrious kids need boundaries and demand to be held accountable to become contained and thrive. He's testing you because he long ago realized if he pushes his mom and dad will let him do anything he wants.
Your complaints are with his parents, not him.
Giving him factual information was a decent idea. Using as an incentive/punishment at that historic period over health care is going too far. The next dentist trip has them talk to him, every bit that may help. Kids have a difficult time understanding long-term consequences considering their brains aren't fully developed. Hanging healthcare and moolah over his head isn't going to change that at his age.
That rarely stops adults from doing behaviors that are unhealthy, tbh, and they know meliorate." starrynightt87
Another User Comments:
"NTJ, in my opinion. Yous accept a very valid reason for asking him not to chew ice – you've shown him why this is bad for his teeth and have had him show y'all that he understands. It might not mean much to him now due to his age, simply as an developed, he will value the health of his teeth – and he will have learned a valuable lesson about consequences.
I don't think there'due south anything wrong with making a kid be financially responsible in some manner for something completely preventable. To me, this is no different than a child having to pay to have their phone repaired because they dropped information technology when it didn't have a case on it – the example they knew they were supposed to continue on the phone to protect information technology. Children have to be taught in that location are consequences for not following rules." jml7791
3. AITJ For Making My Gifts?
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"I grew upward in a practical and frugal household and my family doesn't exchange gifts for any occasions. I know that'south non how near people grow up so I do participate in gift exchanges where it's socially required. My partner's birthday was yesterday and I had spent almost a month knitting him a beanie, scarf, and socks. He spent the night sulking and saying that he expected more from me subsequently being together for 3 yrs.
We have long winters so it'due south going to be cold for a while and I thought it was a skilful practical gift. I asked him what the trouble was and he told me that gifts shouldn't be practical just something fun and that he wouldn't get for himself. I told him I was thinking nearly him for every sew together I made. He was nevertheless sulking this morning and left for work without wearing any of the things.
AITJ?
INFO: He told me to look at his Amazon wish list for ideas when I asked him what he wanted. The items on there were all over $200, with a wintertime jacket that was more than $1000. I guess I took his words likewise literally when he said to await at it for ideas because I fabricated items that matched the color scheme of the jacket.
For my by birthdays, he got me takeout the first year and final year he gave me a actually expensive necklace. Both times I told him in advance that I don't celebrate my birthday but he insisted."
Another User Comments:
"I'm going against the grain with YTJ. Gifts are more important, human relationship-wise, to some people than others. They're huge for me. I love giving gifts, and I experience loved when someone puts fourth dimension and try into getting me something I enjoy.
After 3 years you should know him well enough to know that gifts are important to him. When he told you last yr that it matters to him to get something dissever from other people, you should have heard him, and gotten him something he'd savor, from you lot. Not made him something applied to avert the cost. Homemade gifts are actually, really catchy in general.
In that location'south a college take chances of hurt feelings if it's not truly loved, and no exchanges or returns.
Information technology sounds like your partner fabricated it clear to y'all in the past what fills that emotional need for him, and you didn't take it to heart. Even if gift-giving isn't meaningful to you, it is to him, and therefore a valuable way to show your partner you lot know him and honey him." bookishboymom
Another User Comments:
"I'm going to point out the contradiction between expecting him to be ok with you non wearing the jewelry he gave yous that wasn't what you wanted, and expecting him to wear the knitted stuff you gave him that wasn't what he wanted.
In my opinion, this is kind of a combination of 'no jerks hither' and 'everyone sucks hither', and so I know it'due south non going to be counted but any.
You lot are both expecting the other person to exist the kind of person you lot are when this is clearly not the example. Yous are giving him what would be special to you, and he is giving yous what would be special to him.
Both of you are interpreting the other person'due south expressed wishes through the lens of what gift-giving means to y'all. It'due south not working.
I recall what your partner is upset about (your use of 'sulking' really does dismiss the validity of his feelings here, I but want to betoken out) is that he was hoping that yous would be ameliorate attuned to the kind of person he is about gift-giving, and he'south feeling injure that this didn't happen.
It'southward not and so much that he's being selfish in what he asks for, information technology'southward that he's the kind of person who sees giving and receiving gifts as outside of ordinary time to go in for the treats that one wouldn't normally splurge on. And he probably thinks that he communicated explicitly what he wanted and y'all didn't listen.
I'm not saying he's right, btw, this isn't really a binary situation, and insofar as you didn't understand him it sounds similar honest miscommunications/misunderstandings.
Yes, also he hasn't actually understood who you lot are nearly gift-giving and what your values are in that surface area, so yes he is also doing the affair he is upset with you lot for doing. And your gift was clearly idea nigh and an attempt on your part to lucifer your values with his desires, which hopefully he'll be able to capeesh eventually, even if he continues not to love the gift itself.
Which he is allowed not to do, even if it sucks for y'all.
You guys are both who you are, and are going to proceed to be those people, and the ii of you really need to effigy out if you can become onto the same folio well-nigh how to bargain with that, or if it's going to end up being a big enough mismatch to be a dealbreaker.
Basically, when yous're both cool, talk about it!!!!!!!
No, neither of you has been giving gifts the other wanted. Y'all've been giving gifts you'd like to get yourselves, and thinking that should make the other person want information technology.
Take-out is dumb for you because you value time and personal attention, only to your partner, information technology might have been a rarely indulged treat. (Also, I don't know how well he cooked, mayhap he thought information technology better non to accidentally poison y'all both, while you would have fathered he tried and failed?)
Can you guys get to a place where, for instance, you lot can comfortably purchase him an extravagance even though y'all personally think it'south dumb, considering he does non, and you value him? Tin he get to a place where he understands that even though he thinks it's weird to oh I don't know brand you spaghetti and spotter your favorite moving picture with yous, or whatever you actually like, y'all remember that'due south really special and therefore that's actually a gift?
Or alternatively, tin can you guys get to a place where you understand where the other person is coming from and therefore can capeesh the spirit of their attempts, even when the gifts themselves end up being a miss?" nothanks86
Some other User Comments:
"YTJ.
I call back you need to take a step back and remember well-nigh things a niggling differently. His birthday souvenir isn't nigh you. Information technology's not about what yous call up he should desire what y'all experience like making or the effort you put into making it. Your partner has tried to communicate that he sees value in getting a large gesture type of gift, and that's ok. You need to get over ever being frugal and understand that for him, the monetary splurge is important.
The 'fun' aspect is important. If he's like me, he sees birthdays as a time when he gets stuff he wouldn't go buy for himself. Going frontward, try to adjust your upkeep to set aside a piddling each month to accommodate for splurging on him a couple of times a yr. That way he gets the large, fun present he wants while you aren't feeling similar information technology'due south putting anyone out." cawatxcamt
Another User Comments:
"No jerks hither.
You two clearly have different attitudes towards and gifts and maybe celebrations in general. This goes a lot deeper than just the present occasion. I am a fleck surprised that this discrepancy has not come upward before. It'south something you accept to discuss. Information technology tin be OK to agree to disagree and respect the other person'due south stance.
Personally, I think a gift should be something small, a token of appreciation, but I have never spent $1000 on a gift, and I call up this is excessive.
I ofttimes come across posts on Reddit where people mention spending hundreds of dollars on gifts for family unit members or partners, so this may be something that is done now, and I am simply behind the times. At a certain historic period, you pretty much have all the things yous need and don't want to add more clutter to your business firm, and so you tend to concentrate on minor things and on things that can be used like specialty foodstuffs.
Past the style, if yous take into business relationship the hours it took yous to brand the items and multiply them with your hourly salary, you would probably finish up with a 3 digit number also." throwaway23er56uz
Another User Comments:
"NTJ.
I hand brand almost all of my gifts. If there's something I know someone wants then I'll definitely try to go them that, merely y'all bet they're as well getting a handmade card or a friendship bracelet or something that I invested time and effort into as well.
I judge my biggest question here is, did y'all know he doesn't like handmade presents? If you did and gave him one anyway, that's possibly a little jerkish? But if he gave y'all no kind of management and no indication, you did what you thought was best. Not to mention even if it wasn't his favorite, sulking and whining is not the fashion to go almost it, particularly when he could have brought it up at a later on time that he prefers fun gifts.
This doesn't need to be a deal-billow, but you guys should probably figure out if this could exist indicative of larger incompatibilities like how you handle disharmonize and disappointment. You've already got 3 years with this guy, so finding out now is probably important.
I'one thousand sure your scarf was gorgeous and this makes me desire to thank my female parent for all the things she's crocheted for me again!" gingerlivv
2. AITJ For Siding With My Dog Over My Partner?
Pexels
"I've had my dog since he was a puppy, I got him for my 16th birthday, I'm 25 now. I've always loved my domestic dog, and I treat him almost like an equal instead of a pet. He sleeps in my bed when I consume. He either lays his head on my legs and sits next to me or lays on my anxiety, I take him with me when I leave my house if I don't have to leave him in the car, etc.
This domestic dog and I are only about attached at the hip. Many people have remarked how I'm a petty also attached to my domestic dog, but information technology'due south never actually been a trouble before now. Also, I've been with my partner for well-nigh vi months.
This problem arose terminal nighttime. My partner was over for dinner, and we were planning on eating and watching a film. Usually, when I eat on the couch, my dog volition sit next to me in 'his spot' so he just instinctively sabbatum there.
My partner came to the living room before me and saw my dog. He told him to motility and my dog just kind of looked at him. Then he yelled, 'Motility!' And my dog didn't do anything. I call back the reason for this is because I say 'down' if I desire my dog to get off my bed or the burrow, so he just didn't know what my partner meant.
Anyways, my partner grabs him by his scruff because he didn't have his collar on and makes him move. I come out equally this is happen and I freaked out a little. I pulled my dog towards me and asked my partner what he was doing. He said that he wouldn't move, so he was making his motion. I told him that wasn't how you do information technology, and that if he would have waited just a moment for me, I would take gotten him to move no problem.
This blew up into a huge fight, with my partner maxim I always side with my dog when my partner disciplines him.
My partner doesn't have a dog, and never has considering his mom was allergic growing up and now he just has no desire for 1. He'south most e'er nice to my canis familiaris, but he only doesn't know how to handle it when he doesn't heed.
I don't feel like I'one thousand purposely choosing my dog over him, but since my partner doesn't know how to handle dogs, I usually side with my dog because what my partner did was wrong and I unremarkably tell him why. AITJ?"
Some other User Comments:
"NTJ – it'due south non his dog, so information technology is not his job to discipline it. Also every bit he never had a domestic dog, he doesn't even know how to handle a state of affairs like that.
You should let him know the commands and tell him to not 'field of study' the dog. If he keeps on but pushing it effectually and pain information technology, information technology could atomic number 82 to aggressive beliefs. This is the last affair anyone can want for this situation.
You should also sit downward and talk to him about beingness jealous. The dog is very of import to y'all and you desire him to treat information technology with respect.
If yous really prefer the dog to your partner, you might need to shift your priorities a bit. (Even though I would have probably dumped my partner if he treats my dog similar that without showing remorse. Especially if that happens several times and he is non able to sympathize your human relationship with it.)" Kerebdis
Another User Comments:
"No jerks hither. I think you should teach him how to discipline the dog as it sounds like he was beingness too rough with him.
I think it's also natural for him to be jealous of your dog since he has only been in the picture for 6 months and probably isn't used to the dynamic. it just sounds like your domestic dog is your best friend, which is normal as they literally evolved to be our besties." marshnellow
Another User Comments:
"NTJ.
You are non the jerk 100% but from reading this post I feel similar your partner's deportment could be categorized every bit ill-judged and reflective of a lack of animals in his life previously.
I don't get the sense that he's mean or cruel to the doggo and that is the key thing.
Have a chat with him when yous're both relaxed. Incorporate him into the pooch's life every bit much as can be immune. If this guy loves you he'll become how important the dog is to you and deed accordingly." iggyfpontificates
Another User Comments:
"While having a very strong zipper to your dog could have mental health implications I don't think that makes you the jerk (likewise don't come at me, I love my dog and I will literally exist crawling into the grave with her when she passes).
I am seriously wondering why you are with your partner though. Yous like dogs, he doesn't like dogs. If you lot're that fastened to your domestic dog I bet y'all want some other in the futurity and he probably won't agree.
Long story brusque: NTJ and he is the wiggle considering he lost his temper with the domestic dog. Where I come from y'all never subject someone else'due south kid or dog, especially in their own abode." Simmeryetimbers
Another User Comments:
"NTJ.
And I would probably bank check his anger bug in others situations.
I get when people haven't grown up with animals that they don't know how to co-habitat with them but grabbing a dog by his scruff seems aggressive- esp. in this scenario where you're in the side by side room. If an unknown beast or child or I dunno, establish, frustrates me, I don't think a violent or abrupt physical movement towards them is always really the best path forward.
(Okay maybe toward a frustrating plant but even then I'd exist self-reflective about it)." the_okay_est
Another User Comments:
"NTJ. I get that he wanted to sit with y'all, but screaming at your dog and yanking him around past the scruff of his neck is not okay, particularly when he could have waited xxx seconds for you. Request him to control his temper and not to accept a meltdown considering your domestic dog sitting on the couch isn't choosing your canis familiaris over him.
Although, even if you had called your canis familiaris over him, you'd have made the correct selection. A person who loses their temper hands and takes it out on your dog is probably not the kind of person yous want." emanresuelbaliavayna
i. AITJ For Not Throwing My Straw Wrapper In The Trash Can?
Pexels
"At that place'southward a Starbucks by my work which I get to every morning. Information technology's always super crowded and information technology's as well poorly designed. The trash tin is located on basically the other side of the place where y'all go your straws. So if you desire to dispose of your trash, you lot have to basically push your way through a crowd of people. It'south annoying. So what usually happens is people just leave their wrappers on the counter.
I am one of those people.
Today, it was crowded as per usual and I left my wrapper on the counter. A woman asked me if I was going to throw away my wrapper. I mean, keep in mind that at this point, there was already a pile of wrappers on the counter. I asked her if she worked in that location (even though it was obvious that she did not, I simply couldn't believe she was singling me out for something basically everyone does).
She said she wasn't but that I was making their jobs harder. I said, 'If you care so much, y'all can throw out my wrapper for me. I really don't give a damn.' She looked at me like I was being a wiggle and didn't take me up on my offer to throw away my trash. I left simply the interaction kind of bothered me the residual of the day.
I want to stress that if an bodily employee asked me to throw out my wrapper, I would accept done it, no questions asked. I but thought it was super annoying that she was acting similar she was the dominate of Starbucks. I don't know why she picked on me when everyone was doing information technology. Maybe because I'g a female in my 20s. I have no idea but it was annoying.
I didn't tell any of my coworkers this because it'south kind of embarrassing to get into arguments with strangers at Starbucks lol. Was I the jerk here?
EDIT: Darn you lot guys are angry lol! I estimate I'one thousand a jerk and so. Still, I'thousand not gonna end leaving my wrappers there because if they wanted to fix that, they definitely could just move the can closer to the straws; this isn't rocket science.
Estimate I'd always rather be a wiggle than a nosy person who can't mind her own business concern at a Starbucks."
Another User Comments:
"YTJ. And I can but assume you've never worked in the service industry. While yes, it is the employee's task to clean up the place, they shouldn't accept to practice information technology just considering you're a lazy jerk. Yous couldn't accept put the wrapper in your pocket to be thrown it abroad later if disposing of it correct then was such a job for you? If you lot go through the Starbucks drive-thru do yous just throw the straw paper out the window too? I tin only imagine how annoyed the employee must be who had to make clean up all those paper particles." sweetsoutherntea
Some other User Comments:
"YTJ.
Seriously, but because there isn't a trash bin inside arm'south reach doesn't entitle you to merely litter on the counter. Take information technology in your pocket and dispose of it at the next selection at mitt. The fact that almost anybody is doing it does not justify hateful behavior (against the employees and futurity customers). We simply demand more individuals with the guts to call people out on this, so it won't proceed to exist socially acceptable behavior.
Exit every place a bit better than you plant it. This includes cleaning up after yous." iamsportaholic
Another User Comments:
"YTJ. The other customer chosen you out because she caught y'all in the act of littering at that moment. She was non monitoring you and waiting to bully you. Most people are calling you the jerk for littering in full general. All the other customers before you were also jerks.
You are now 2x the wiggle for your edit and doubling downwardly. If the trash tin can is in a truly inconvenient spot, then why non inform the staff? You could also drop the trash into a public receptacle outside the store if it'due south on the way to your adjacent destination." crunchletsupreme
Another User Comments:
"YTJ.
Seriously, it would take you all of xxx seconds to go up and throw away your trash.
Or you could do it when you were going to leave, or you lot take it with you and throw information technology away in a public trashcan on the sidewalk. Instead, you're making someone working for barely more than than minimum wage clean up trash that yous were literally likewise lazy to make clean up. Or worse the next customer in the store is going to think the shop is dingy considering yous couldn't be a grown-up and throw abroad your trash.
You lot made the employees at that place look bad because of your ain bad behavior." colonade17
Another User Comments:
"YTJ. Man reading this made me and so angry. The trash tin being 'as well far' and the fact that other people do it too aren't expert enough reasons. That's something a six-year old says. 'But moooom, all the other kids are doing information technology'. Evidence some respect and act your age it'due south bones human decency, throw your trash away.
The Starbucks baristas aren't at that place to clean upwards subsequently you just cause you're lazy. The fact that y'all are bothered someone told you to clean upwardly after yourself is crazy to me. They're the ones that should be bothered by you and your beliefs. I don't understand how in your heed you're the innocent person in this state of affairs. And the fact that you're saying you lot're however gonna go out your trash there and don't care. What'southward is going onnnn" mernam
It's pretty hard to tell who'southward in the right and incorrect in these stories. Now, y'all be the judge about who'due south the wiggle! Upvote, downvote, and annotate on your favorite stories by signing up for a Metaspoon account. Click Log In at the peak right corner of this folio to get started. (Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences)
Telling Neighbors I Didnt Want to Watch Their Cat Again
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